In 2018 I came back to Chicago after eight years of being in South Carolina, and boy have things shifted! Ok, my life shifted, the way I think shifted, how I eat shifted, how I speak shifted, my relationships shifted, and spiritually I’ve shifted – realizing I was suffering from a falsified lifestyle that only I created.
I’ve allowed so many people to suck me dry and leave me there to suffer.
Today, I’m blessed to say that I’ve grown old of the carried pain, of the built up hurt, and of the frustration from lack of support. I’ve grown old of the misunderstandings, and the not letting me be who I am because he or she disagreed with my connections. I’ve grown old of the baggage that people wanted me to carry for them, but when I was in need of support, I was easily invisible. I’ve grown old of holding on to people that don’t take time to hold conversations with me so that they better understand my feelings. I’ve grown old of people not meeting me half way within our relationship. I’ve grown old of entertaining people who do not want to allow success into their lives. Most importantly, I’ve grown old of being a people pleaser!
Recently, as in two weeks ago, I realized if I continued to live with things that can kill my soul, I would never be successful. If I continue to let this madness grow inside me, I would never be the person I want to grow up to become. In realizing everything, I just grew old of things and people have shifted.
I’m not afraid to share realness. I indeed will not open my doors any longer to let anything or anyone stop my grind. Because if I did, I would be behind what I have dreamed. If I did, I would wake up less of a woman than I stand to be. If I did, I would find myself growing with feelings that are built on falsified stuff.
My life has begun to shift in the way I’ve always imagined my life shifting and though I may not see green, I see me making strides in my community while fulfilling the dreams people have doubted me to fulfill.
I have encountered so much change in the past two weeks – good and bad, but what I can say about this entire journey thus far is that THE DOPEST PART OF ME HAS ARRIVED and I’m not chasing people to join me on my journey.
I am indeed opening my doors to those who WANT to be a part of me on my journey. Because if I don’t follow my soul in peace, I would be at stage one and the dopest part of me would not exist.
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"THE DOPEST PART OF ME HAS ARRIVED"